Sabotaged by poop
The cries of anguish and pain from the bathroom had me running from the bedroom in case the baby had cracked his head open on the side of the bath, fallen out of his bath seat or lost his favourite toy to his older Sister.
I was midway from mascara to eyelash, getting ready for our first couples night out with other parents from Curly Girl’s school. OH had just left to collect our babysitter and we were on time. Just.
I dropped the mascara and jogged into the bathroom half-dressed.
“What’s going on in here?” I said looking directly, if somewhat unfairly, at Curly Girl.
But it wasn’t something she’d done.
I shifted my gaze.
Little Man’s face was read and sweaty, contorted into a grimace reminiscent of a weightlifter attempting to hoist his own body weight above his head. He gasped for breath before straining again. Finally he screeched one more time before collapsing into a flood of tears.
“He’s doing a poo! Help, get me out, get me out!” My daughter cried, pointing in terror at her brother and trying to clamber up the side of the bath. A picture of a wildebeest frantically scrambling up the slippery banks of a crocodile-infested river flashed into my mind.
I rescued Curly Girl and wrapped her in a towel before grabbing the baby and pulling him out of his bath seat, still crying. At least the worst had passed, literally, I thought.
Then half way between the bathroom and his nursery, Little Man dripping and squirming in my outstretched arms, I almost slipped as I felt something squidgy under my bare foot.
Now what’s the worst thing you can imagine here?
I looked down. Squished into the carpet was a poop the size of a tennis ball. Clearly what had started in the bath had ended when I picked him up. And of course it missed the easy-to-clean lino and landed on our lovely beige carpet.
And I had stepped in it.
Now I was stuck with a yelling toddler broadcasting the event to the neighbourhood through the power of her voice alone, a dripping, crying baby and a poo-covered foot preventing me from fleeing the scene.
I resisted the temptation to sob and hopped into the nursery, wrapped the baby in a towel, placated the toddler by letting her take a good close look at the poop (I know) and tried to remember where I’d put the Vanish.
An hour later, the children were in bed, the carpet had had the first of many treatments and I was finally ready to go out.
I let a sigh escape my lips.
Then I remembered that I’ve given up alcohol for January.
When fate gets you, she gets you good.
Yay!!! *Happy dance*
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Totally am and let’s totally meet up
x
Good for you for getting involved in the #TeamHonkRelay! Will definitely pop over and check out your new blog. BTW are you at BritMum this year? (Might have already asked you this…!)
Go you! I have no idea how you managed to be dry, hats off! Thanks lovely but my blog has been a bit abandoned recently with #TeamHonkRelay and setting up a new cooking blog with Hubs: FranglaiseCooking.com if you fancy a gander. Hoping to find time to blog post half term! xx
Great! See u then x
You certainly will, it will be fab to see you. I’ll be moderating ones of the rooms this time. Mich x
Hi Michelle! It certainly was
Thankfully I now know to leave him until he’s well and truly finished his ‘business’ before I try to intervene! Hope to see you at Brit Mums again this year?
Should have been eh? SOOOO proud of myself for not doing it though! Must make time to catch up on your blog when half term is over
Ohh My! That was a night and a half, we have had poo-gate here many times before. I’m so pleased they are beyond that. Hope all is well with you. Mich x
You poor poor thing, I totally feel your pain – surely that was a good reason to end a dry January though?!?
Glad it made you chuckle
Nope, not in my wildest dreams…or knightmares!
In my experience, yes that is ALWAYS the way. I did stick to dry January actually, for which I think I deserve a knighthood – at least!
Really can’t help laughing out loud at this! What a scene!! We’ve all been there!
Before you had children, could you have imagined this scene? With yourself in it?
Oh no… just as you were going out the door.. isn’t that always the way? And a dry January – did you stick to it on your night out after that? If so, well done you! x
Urgh…that squishy feeling *shudder*. Glad it made you laugh though
Eww!! Ohh sorry but that did make me chuckle….I’m so glad my girls are past the pooing anywhere they feel like stage…hehehe x